This morning was amazing. Got into the car with mom, as she drove us to the mall (we have no money but Black Friday's still a tradition. A shit tradition, but a tradition no less).

I looked up into the sky. The first thing I said:

"THAT CLOUD LOOKS LIKE A SEAL!"

so here is what made this morning amazing: my mother agreed with me.

SHE AGREED.

I see shit everywhere that nobody else sees, all the time, and always just get weird looks. But then I realized, this cloud was just too perfect. It just looked like a seal. So expertly shaped, anybody could take a look at it and say, "yes m'am, that is a seal."

My day was just made I tell you, made by this artistic rendering of a cloud that just floated around in the sky...saying, "behold. I am seal cloud."

SEAL CLOUD.

Oh, dearest Seal Cloud, with what intent do you appear to me?

"I am mysterious Seal Cloud, and intent I have none"

But Seal Cloud, surely you have a message to deliver?

"Hold your little money, dearest Abigail. Shop today

and the great seals of the clouds will not be pleased."

Ok dude.

So what am I to do now, but contemplate the depth and elegance of clouds and seals, seals and clouds, clouds that look like seals, and seals that look like clouds. Seals. Clouds. Sea mammals. White. Fur. Water. Ocean.

Swimming seals Playing seals Barking seals.
Seal.
Seals like clouds. Clouds like seals.
Sea
seal
sea
e
se
s
e
ea
eal
.

Seals in the ocean. Seals in the sky. They float either way. Floating clouds, seals, seal clouds.

Cloudy clouds. Fat furry ocean clouds. Dog faced whiskered clouds chasing fish. Seal. Sssssealss.
Bark
bark
bark

barking seals. Seals singing opera. Seals swimming in the sky.

Who are you

you

o

My Name Is Seal Cloud.

Do you know who you are?

Join me, and we will go fishing in the sky when the salty rain comes tonight.


Anyways, that was my morning today. And that is what my "art thoughts" would look like if they were in written form, in case you where wondering what the hell the above freak writing spree was about. XD

WHY YES, I AM RATHER STRANGE!

But this one's dead serious.
From deviantART:

"Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I JUST SAW NEW MOON!!!!! IT WAZ TOTALLY AWESOMEZ!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!I HAD A BOX OF CANDY AND THREE SODAZ!!!!!!!!!
The funny thing was, I'v never been in the middle of a movie and saw the film melt. YEAH! The fim melted, right in the middle of the movie. I stood up and said "IT'S ALL A CONSPIRACY TO MAKE US BUY MORE POPCORN!" (Stolen from Vampire Kisses-Kissing Coffins) So there was a thirty minute wait for them to fix the film and get it going again. Other than that.....IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! And for all of those Twilight haterz out there......BITE ME."

I love how the film itself tried to commit suicide. I would too if my audience was this.
Just something that amused me for a while. Carry on.

WTF, I CAN BE SEEN IN GOOGLE MAPS. Walking near Academy of Art University. Wtf.

That's all for now.

Okay, so I failed at LJ-cutting which destroyed the format of this meme which makes it very hard to read, so feel free to ignore it, this is a fail post, and sorry for taking up so much space in your Friends page.



Three names you go by:

Abby (I consider it a nickname since my name's Abigail...ewww so weird saying my whole name)

Kitty

Mittens

Three things you've done in the past 33 minutes:

Took a shower

Checked my e-mail

Looked through my anatomy sketches

Three things about you:

Art is my life and that's pretty much it

I'm apparently a cat

I eat too much meat

Three things you dislike about yourself:

Coldness/tendency to have strong feelings of hatred

Even I think I'm incredibly bizarre at times

Math IDIOT

Three things you're afraid of:

Not reaching my goals/dreams (aka failing at life)

Art/idea theft

Children

Three things you are wearing right now:

Pajama bottoms

Pajama top

Slippers

Three of your everyday essentials:

Makeup

Clothes (yes I'm counting that as one thing)

Glasses to see the board

Three important objects:

iPod

Eyeliner

Mirror

Three of your favorite musical artists:

Arcade Fire

Feist

Modest Mouse

Three ways to make yourself happy:

Draw

Paint

Sculpt

Three Six favorite songs at the moment (I had to balance out those Arcade Fire whores somehow):


Neighborhood #1(Tunnels) - Arcade Fire

Wake Up - Arcade Fire

Rebellion (Lies) - Arcade Fire

Mushaboom - Feist

Rest My Chemistry - Interpol

Lullaby - The Cure

Three things you want to try in the next three months:

Coffee that won't make me sick

Wear contact lenses

Finish the Blue Jay story at least to chapter 5

Three things you regret:

Can't say I really regret anything. Everything I've screwed up, I've learned from.


Three things you want in a relationship:


Lots of space. I hate too much attention.

Honesty

Intelligent discussion


Three One important things you are giving to the world:


Hopefully art/film that people will remember

Ummm...I guess that's all I have to offer.


Two truths, one lie:


I enjoy eating lemons with salt on them

I keep my college savings in a jar of "Nopalitos" (what a Mexican)

I thought a goat was a dog with horns when I was little

Three physical things you like in the opposite sex:


Cool eyes

Pale skin

Longish hair

Three emotional things you like in the opposite sex:


Balance

Charisma

Can't think of a third one here...obviously, partnership's not on my mind at the moment.


Three things you JUST CAN'T DO:


Math

Eat things that don't state the expiration date (it's like a phobia...)

Listen to hip-hop


Three things you miss from the past:


Could act insane as fuck and nobody cared

Life didn't have to make sense

Fantasy was real

Three gifts you would like to receive:


A Mac computer

Money for the Bank of Nopalitos

Moar Blu-rays


Three reasons you are how you are:


Four years in Hell Art Freiler school

Parents (for the better)

The art disease


Three of your favorite hobbies:

Art - more of a passion/reason for living

Writing

Nature/animal research

Three things you really want to do right now:


Draw

Meditate

Drink hot cocoa

Three careers you're considering:


Animator

Illustrator

Fine Artist

Three places you would like to go for a holiday:


New York City

Tokyo

Paris (again)

Three cartoon characters:


Dodger from Oliver & Company. Childhood idol. Dog was so damn cool.

Flapjack!

Cleo from Heathcliff and the Catillac Cats (nobody remembers her)


Three male names:

Victor

Vincent

Max

of course, I'd never actually name a kid any of those. Not that I want one.

Three female names:


Emily

Elizabeth

Lauren


Three things you want to do before you die:

Make the films

Own many cats and a doberman

See the world

Three people to tag? Everyone else has done it. D':


</strong>

Tragic news from my previous post aside, I've got some good things to tell as well.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Commissions
 
Savannah's tatoo design is almost dooooooone. :D

I've spent the weekend so far drawing more octopuses and octopuses and octopuses (octopi?) until I became very familiar with their shape and characteristics. They're so gosh darn cute! I've drawn black-and-white illustratons of the blue ringed octopus in different poses and angles to have a bigger variety of designs to choose from. The final will be cleaned up and rendered in color (sorry the process takes so damned long).

_________________________________________________________________________________
Writing/personal projects

As for my writings, the plot for my "Blue Jay" novel is becoming clearer, but absolutely zero art has been made for it. I've been distracted with illustrating Calico Kim, which is moving at a pathetically slow rate for a comic that's both action based and punk rock themed. I mean, really. It should be anything but slow. 

"Jamocha Cafe" on the otherhand, is doing a lot better (which is lame bacause it should be the last thing on my to-do list, considering I specifically scheduled it to be published on deviantART next fall. In other words, nobody's supposed to see it until I'm in San Francisco). Spencer's an asshole. Well, he's always been since the day he was born in my mind, but I think he gets worse with each passing year. Now all my other characters are fighting with him, and I know he caused it all. He's the one source I know to go to if something goes wrong or out of control. 

*a change in the plot occurs out of nowhere* 
"SPENCER WHAT DID YOU DO!??"

Whew, been able to finally catch up on a list of "to-draw" tasks that I've been letting slide due to life and such.

So, coming up next! :

-The "promo poster" for my "Blue Jay" story

-Savannah's tattoo

-Concept art for the new "Jamocha Cafe"

-Various character design illustrations 


Whooh!

So sexy.














.....Okay, seriously, I just had to interupt all the "ooooohfjjfhkfh EDWARD CULLEEEEEEEEEEEEEN" shit.

Not sure who'd I date. I don't fangirl fictional characters.

Yet another solution in my writing journey just struck me; "Jamocha Cafe" is going to be anthropomorphic with the gothic theme removed, and my "Blue Jay" story is going to be the one with the human cast and the gothly dark mood and subcultural exploration. Yes! That finally settled what's been bugging me for so long!

I swear, having "Jamocha" and "Ms.Owl's" combine forces is the best thing that ever happened to me. Now that they've produced a single offspring -my currently nameless "Blue Jay" project - I've been able to extract everything that was left over that wasn't used for it from it's "Jamocha" parent.

And what was left over from that, was the entire theme of art and the coffee house. As people may remember, my "Jamochans" were a group of young artists who hung out at a coffee house (the so-called Jamocha Cafe). Since that element was entirely removed from the resulting new "Blue Jay" story, I'm going to take that and make a new cup of coffee with it.

It's like mixing tube watercolor paint. You've got a clean palette, and you put different blobs of colors on it, then mix the paint to create a new color. I'm the type that doesn't wash her paint palette because I like to go back and "revive" with water the dried paint that was previously mixed before, and from that I get a whole new color as a result of everything running together, colliding. Yes. Best metaphor ever.

Anyways, that was weird. Point is, I've got my characters settled, though Spencer, Beck, and Kat are no longer goths for the purpose of  the use of a whole new gothic character in "Blue Jay" (Can't have a goth in everything I make now, how reduntant would that be).

So, they are calling for whole new designs, and since these characters will be more stylized and animal-based (daring choice, I know. Furries who approach me will be shot with a hunting rifle) they are all getting a makeover.

Another thing I'm changing for the better, is the age and setting for these characters. I worked on "Jamocha" in it's prime when I was 14, up to age 16. At that age, I didn't accept how unlikely the idea was of characters that age, finding each other with mature attitudes and the same intense artistic interests, who gather for coffee and discuss things that about one in every two-hundred 14-to-16-year-olds would care about. Think of a group of high school kids that do that. Nope, I couldn't think of one either.

Thankfully, the older you get as a writer, the more logical you get in terms of how realistically possible your characters are.

If these characters are going to revolve their lives around art, they need to be in a more appropriate setting, and of an older age. They all need to be in an environment that requires them to be focused on art, and the most obvious thing I could think of for these beatniky hipsters was *DRUMROLL* art school. Don't hurt me *covers face*. This has nothing to do with my personal life, I swear.

Art love aside, if any of these characters remotely resemble me or my experiences, I'll stab a paintbrush in my eye. Promise. Just for you guys.

I just can't think of anything better for these characters. Can you? No? See, I need to let this happen. No other setting complements the story so perfectly. It's the only thing that makes it work, otherwise I'm going to have to say goodbye to all the hard work I've put into "Jamocha Cafe".

Oh, and bringing up something that may or may not be an issue:

What's wrong with a literary work that reflects your passion? It's no secret that I love art; does that mean that I can't make characters who are artists, because they'll be linked to me in that way? If an author loves cooking, will she be criticized for having her lead character dream of being a chef? Isabelle Allende expressed her dedication to liberalism and passion for social activism in her works, does that make her bad?

So, bah! I think I've made my point and reassured myself. If anyone opposes me, speak now, and tell me why I can't make characters who are their own people, and that express something I love.

Who am I directing this rant at? 0_o

Umm. I think I'm done. There's a chocolate muffin and a cup of hot cocoa waiting for me in the kitchen.

Saw Where the Wild Things Are today. Considering that was my absolute favorite book as a child, I went psychotic when I saw the trailer and just had to go see it.  So I did. The movie's about as weird as the book, but they took a much sadder, deeper approach to the story by giving Max more of a reason to want to escape his home. The "Wild" world is a reflection of Max's own dysfunctional family and emotional distress, so the film is sort of an exploration of the angry and sad emotions children face when growing up alone and ignored. Each character represents a portion of Max's psyche, and every event in the Wild world reflects something going on in his real life, so the adventure serves as a metaphor.  A lot of people seemed to have been dissapointed with the movie, mostly because of the bleak, really tiring and almost depressing tone of the entire film. Also, while based on a children's book, the movie takes on a psychology theme that kids won't understand. There wasn't really a super-evident resolution in the film (also like the book), but we get the sense that Max realized that a "wild rumpus" will never last forever, and that there will never be a place where things only happen that you want to happen (something the monsters try sadly to find, but never do). So the film's gloomy, and I don't think I really "got" the point, other than it was a strange and well-made look into the emotions and troubles of Max.  Worth watching, not a feel-good flick for kids.

So I woke up with an incredible stomach ache this morning, and I still feel sick. The kind of sick where you'll eat half a cracker and you already feel full. Urgh....I don't know if it's period related or if I caught some sickness, but damn it all. I'm still sitting here with that feeling, wondering if I should just lie down and watch a movie, or use this time at home to get working on the huge "to-do" list of things I need to draw.  I was looking forward to Savannah's Halloween-ish party too.

Well, at least this is a time to think and reflect on my writing. The blue jay story is getting somewhere! :D

After a brief and very subtle but aggravating argument with father dearest about Halloween, I felt the need to vent. So here is my expression on a topic I have always repressed my opinions on. Until now.

 I love dad, but recently he's converted to Christianity and goes to these bible studies with his friends. Now, I have nothing against his friends, who are good people and all, but unfortunately...well...I'm not Christian.  Still, I go to these bible studies every weekend or so and just nod and agree to what is being read, but I don't believe a single bit of it. And that's when I'm actually listening; I almost never do.

That's right, I don't believe it. I never have. It's not something I lost, it's something I never had from the beginning, from my childhood. I spent years in Catholic school and never believed a bit of it; I could see the truth and I still can. Christianity's a lie and a way to corrupt and control. Catholicism wrecked and ruined every country and culture it touched. This is a bloody history of corruption and greed, of hatred and intolerance.

God in the bible is a tryant, a diety that kills and destroys, that expects slaves to obey their masters, women to bow down to men, Man to disrespect and do as they please to animals, and tells us to despise and avoid our fellow neighbors like the plague if they so dare "disobey" the word of the Lord (oops, I said one thing against the church, guess I'm going to Hell!).

The bible, if actually read, tells us that there is nobody in heaven and there won't be until "Jesus returns". It says the dead are more worthless than a dog, for instance (one of my favorite parts...). 

There is an absurd amount of  impossible "laws" that must be obeyed because "this pleases God", laws that the vast majority of Christians don't follow themselves (women must leave their hair long, wear absolutely no jewelry or anything decorative, etc. comes to mind). Eating pigs is also clearly forbidden in the bible, since we can only eat "animals that chew their cud", and yet, how many "Good, Christian people" here go out for barbeque ribs, or pack ham sandwiches on their picknics? I guess all women that don't want children are Satan's minions as well, because clearly, according to the bible, women are meant to be mothers and housewives and nothing more.

God expects us to be absolutely perfect then. But, the truth of the matter is that if what the bible says is true, then everybody, absolutely everybody is going to hell, just for being human. There is no way anybody can live in "God's way" without breaking some rediculous "rule", God stops loving you if you're psychologically unable to believe, no matter how hard you try. It's not my fault if I can't get myself to believe, and never could since I was in preschool. I guess I was a daughter of the devil from the beginning. Fear me everyone, I'm a demon! HISS!!!

Reading the bible doesn't make me happy, empower me, or fill me with "God's love". It does the opposite; it depresses me, makes me feel hopeless and weak, makes me feel evil and hated, disillusioned, stressed, and infuses me with hatred. Is that what these "Christians" want to convert us to? Is that the "love", and "peace of mind and soul" that they preach?

You know what makes me feel "love"? You know what makes me feel "peace of mind and soul"? "Happiness"?

Trees. Stone and plant. Rain and sunlight. The moon and the stars. The river and the mountain. The earth and the animal. The breath that is inside us, the soul that is inside us, and the energy that fills all living things great and small. Our ability, as humans, to create and imagine, to follow our hearts and be moved by the inspiration of life and death. The Universe.

I have met God, and one experience in particular is incredibly vivid in my mind, for I will never forget that feeling. I cry when I think about it. Almost a week into "science camp" in 6th grade, in the deepest depths of the Forest, far up the mountian that hiking day, I felt what it is to be alive and in the prescence of  God. Through the magestic redwood trees that loomed over me, golden light glimmered through them like anything beautiful described of Heaven, and all was absolutely, I mean absolutely silent like nothing I have ever experienced before. Not a sound was heard from the sky, or in front of me, or behind me; nobody heard anything at all. We were standing in front of a body of Water and even it was silent. 

Suddenly...noise. Soft, musical, noise. A shower of leaves, and I mean thousands, and thousands, and thousands of leaves began to float and flutter down on us, gently like faeries, rustling against each other like whispering little beings. All of the trees, every single one around us, had unleashed its orange leaves in perfect timing with one another, for no reason at all but to enchant us, to show us a miracle of Nature, a beautiful sign to let us know that we were in the midst of purest Creation.  After a brief moment of leaf rain, the show came to an end, incredibly as it had begun; with all the leaves ending their falling in perfect choreography. Silence, again. And we continued walking.

I still can't explain it. How I felt, or how in the world that happened so perfectly other than it was simply the grace and mystery of the Universe. Maybe an invisible breeze that was silent enough to not be heard, but strong enough to blow all the leaves of all the trees like that, just came by in time for us to witness it. Sounds mystical either way, but what I felt within the Forest was a whole new emotion from another world. Moments like these are when you feel God's presence, not through an ancient book that fills you with fear and anger.

That is all.

Alright, Spencer let me know that he doesn't want to be the lead character in my story anymore. Actually, what I've been stuck with since my revelation a few entries ago, is how I'm going to bring my 17-18 year old characters from "Jamocha Cafe" into a world that was originally explored by a little Freshman girl (my "Sarah" character) in "Ms.Owl's School of Frights". Sarah's inexperienced and curious persona flowed perfectly along with the beautiful, Romantic "other" world. Having Spencer, a 17-year-old, male, cynical, gothic character explore the land of enchanted forests and flowers and little animals is...well...it loses it's magic.

Don't get me wrong now; while lovely to the new arrival, this world is indeed a gothic nightmare once the story unfolds. Still, the story really doesn't work the same if I don't have a female lead character. As sexist as that probably sounds, if anyone would have worked on this story like I have then they would understand why this is a female-driven story. Believe me, or...well, I'll just stop before this develops into a controversial issue. Point is, I want the hero to be a girl.

But then I run into another problem. In "Jamocha Cafe", I had 5 female characters; Kat, Celeste, Jackyln, Linda, and Indigo.  Celeste was the ballerina and snobby love interest of Spencer. She's essentially his female equivalent; proud, arrogant, oblivious to her attitude towards others. With her white-blonde hair and pale blue eyes, she's just too uninteresting of a character design to be a good lead. No offense to blondes intended.

Then we have Jacklyn, who was the very angry actress full of tricks and schemes. She hardly has any character content to pull her along a single scene, much less an entire novel. Actually, now that I think about it, her only purpose in "Jamocha Cafe" was to make Spencer vomit his coffee, or atleast be blamed for it....let's just say you would have had to read that chapter, heh.

Then there's Linda. The hyperactive comedy relief. Enough said.

I then have Indigo, who does one important thing in "Jamocha Cafe" and that's having her foretelling dream to warn Spencer of what's to come. It was a cliche scene to begin with, and while the character had potential, I never bothered with her and I still don't want to.

That leaves me with Kat, who was very important in "Jamocha Cafe", and along with Spencer and Beck, made up the goth trio of "main characters" in the novel.  What follows after this has to be an entry in itself, so I'll post that later on.

Look behind you.

(Note: Excuse the horrible grammar below. I am half asleep, but this is a big deal for me, so here goes.)

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

*ahem*  Calming down now.....

BUT HOW CAN I CALM DOWN WHEN THIS HAPPENS TO ME LIKE ONCE EVERY 7 YEARS? :O

Okay, so I  just had what I call a Magical Idea Face Slap (MIFS...yes, I made up an acronym), and, as my name for it suggests, it came out of absolutely nowhere but it's what I've been waiting for all these years. Literally years. I'm still freaking out about it because I feel like I won the lottery or something. At the same time, I feel like a dumbass for having never relaized something that's been right in front of me, and instead having to wait until the idea came to me magically and slapped me in the face like saying, "HELLO? LOOK AT ME!" But then, that's why I call it MIFS.

Anyways, the idea. I've been lamenting over Jamocha Cafe in a couple of past entries, about how I've abandoned it and am having an impossible time getting back and especially reviving the characters.  I've also been typing on and on about my most recent concept, the "Ms.Owl's" one in a fantasy setting with my own created world and a little girl lead character who I temporarily named "Sarah". That concept there, is what basically engulfed my mind and pushed Jamocha aside, and this has been going on since June.

My dilema was, that after four years of developing Jamocha Cafe and my cast of characters for it, that it became (or was on it's way to becoming) another crumpled up concept that developed and was never born, and was left to rot in the "rejected files" section of my mind. Eugh...that was gruesome imagery there. Ahem...Then, I had this whore of a concept that posessed me and wouldn't let my mind drift to anything else but it;  that creature I had temporarily named "Ms. Owl's School of Frights", and whose world I spent my free time developing at Academy of Art, and a month before that, actually.  This one was thriving off my attention, while Jamocha was dying from neglect.

This went on until today. Or rather, two hours ago. Then I got MIFS; and here is the result:

I have two opposing forces. Both are fighting a war in my mind, and "Ms.Owl's" is winning by a landslide. Jamocha Cafe is bleeding to death, but I can't let it die. I still love it like a child. In what can only be described as a mental trainwreck involving English homework, exhaustion, and a blue jay, MIFS happened and it sent me the message; combine them.

I think I died and came back a half second later, or something. I was just...stunned, I guess? I thought about it for a while longer in the shower, in which I really wrapped my mind around the idea. It took me a moment to get over the "but they're so different/how the hell's that going to work" shock factor, but I've got it now. Oh my god, it's what I've been looking for. Why doesn't MIFS happen more often to writers?

Now I have a new set of things to deal with, but at least the creative fog's lifted, and I see where I'm going now. First things first; I have to regain my relationship with my cast for Jamocha Cafe. Especially Spencer. I used to know him like he was my child, and now I've forgotten so much about him that he seems new to me. Which is incredible, considering how important this character was in my life.  Spencer isn't very happy and keeps avoiding me like he's lost his trust. I wouldn't blame him. But he's going to back in the lead again, so hopefully I'll sort things out with him.

Arguing with your own characters sounds insane, but to the writer, it's a part of the process. I'm glad I have my friends at the Writer's Block who understand that bit of eccentricity. XD Speaking of which, we need to get the meetings going...but that's for another entry.

And speaking of other entries, I'm going to have to continue this one later in a new one. I have quite a bit of explaining to do with my new idea, since I really didn't provide much info up there and everything sounds like a mess, but it's 11 pm and I should have been asleep an hour ago, not to mention that my eyes keep closing from the sleepiness (by the way, I'm aware of the horrible grammar and structure and word usage in this entry, but I'm not going back to revise it because I think i got the point across and I'm too tired...but now you know why this entry looks like crap) but I just had to write this down because, well, it's important. For me, anyways; quite possibly the most important turning point in my creative writing.

I love my luck. As if getting far away seating wasn't enough to complain about, I ended up getting no concert at all. Apparently, Dave (lead singer) was ordered on vocal rest by his doctor on the one day they were going to be in the bay area, so Depeche Mode cancelled their concert. No reschedule, the tour for this area is over with. At least we got our money back, but I was still pretty upset today, after looking forward to it for months and all and being excited all day today in anticipation for tonight. Guess I was left to "Enjoy the Silence".

So Elmer sent me a screaming/roaring/growling song and asked me if I could actually understand what they were saying. I wrote out my interpretations of the first minute or so of the song while listening.

What I heard: